Misty here. You know, I used to write almost every day just for the fun of it. Lately (as in, for the last few years) I have felt a lack of inspiration. I need a creative outlet and I have been searching for what that could possibly be. I have tried taking photos, I've explored started a business, I've considered going back to school.. and I've yet to find my "thing." My thing: my place in the world, my mark on the lives of those around me, my contribution to society. I used to be so motivated, and accomplish things. It really weighs on my mind and my soul to not be doing that every day.
I recently remembered some advice I was given by my high school calculus teacher. If we were ever stuck on a problem, he would tell us to just start. Just DO SOMETHING and eventually we will be able to work through the funk and in to the problem solving. That's where I am now. I'm just writing something.
The biggest and most important thing going on in my life right now is my pregnancy, so I am writing about that. I'm currently sitting between 24 and 25 weeks. Every day passes at a snail's pace, yet I also can't believe how far I've come. Pregnancy is the scariest and hardest thing I have ever done, and I can imagine it will only get more intense the closer I get to bringing a human in to the world. I never realized the mental stability it takes to slowly watch your body grow, knowing it's the best thing for a person you have never met yet will someday love more than anything. It's very confusing. No matter how confident you are, there is still something odd about watching your body change and knowing it's supposed to be happening even though you have no control over it. Eating right and exercise have never been more important, and I've also never been less motivated to do it.
I've also recently moved back across the country for my husband's job, and I'm in a bizarre place that sometimes leaves me emotionally unstable. It's difficult to find a job, because I only have a couple months before I am out of commission. I also feel good enough and motivated enough that not working is very boring and leaves me wondering my worth because I am accomplishing very little every day. I can only do so much laundry/cleaning/cooking before I am back to wondering what I am going to do the next couple of months.
I feel very lucky, as I have rarely felt sick and have had little to no food aversions. I hear horror stories of pregnancies that make me feel terrible to admit both of those things. The only "craving" I have had (other than simply feeling hungry ALL THE TIME) is one day I decided I wanted a Heath bar. I am not even a fan of Heath bars in general. However that day, once I decided I wanted one, I was on a mission until I had visited two different towns and five different stores looking for one. It was weird that I was so passionate about finding them, but I couldn't stop myself. Other than that isolated incident, I haven't needed anything specific.
I was terrified of getting pregnant before it happened. Even after we decided it was time, I still would have a breakdown every now and then out of fear. Oddly, the closer I get to delivery the more comfort I feel about delivering my child. It is truly opening my eyes to the way the Lord (or the universe, or whatever you personally believe in) works to help women become mothers. It's hard to remember that when I'm using the restroom for the 14th time in a night, or when my back aches so bad I can't sleep, but this is truly the most significant thing I have ever worked towards accomplishing.